Editing for Concision

For a sentence to be concise, every word needs to perform its own particular function.

If a word doesn’t serve a purpose, or if other words make that word redundant, you can remove it.

For example:

“Expand” already implies that the company’s dominance will go beyond what it currently is. Therefore, “further” is unnecessary (unless you are comparing the expansion to previous growth).

And another example:

The phrase “contributing to” is unnecessary here, as the writer already established that Dr. Johnson has contributed to the effort by stating that they have “played a pivotal role.”

Here are some examples of other common replacements:

Sometimes, a writer will use several words to express a concept when there is, in fact, a much simpler alternative.

For example:

They might also use a noun phrase to describe something when a verb would be a more direct solution:

Note: Do not prioritize concision over inclusivity. For example, should the writer of the above sentence prefer to use person-first language (“people who are deaf–blind”) then you would maintain or introduce this preferred phrasing. Also, you would not turn the people with the condition into a noun (i.e., do not say “advocating for the deaf–blind”).

Replacing vague words and phrases would come under Proofed’s editing service, unless the words made the meaning of the sentence unclear or awkward (in which case it would be a part of our proofreading service). Ensuring inclusivity comes under both services.

Nominalization is using a word that was not originally a noun as a noun. It’s not a bad thing in itself but, like the passive voice, can cause problems with concision and clarity when used poorly.

Nouns created through nominalization usually end in -ion, -ment, or -ance.

For example:

Editing nominalization would come under Proofed’s editing service, unless the nominalization made the meaning of the sentence unclear or awkward (in which case it would be a part of our proofreading service).

Sometimes you will come across instances where a verb repeats. This can happen when a subject performs two or more instances of the same action. 

Here is a basic example:

In the above example, we do not need to repeat the verb “ate,” because the first “ate” can apply to both direct objects. 

Here’s a more complex example:

Dealing with repeated verbs would come under Proofed’s proofreading service.

A noun phrase is a group of words that functions as the subject or object of a sentence. 

Sometimes, you can replace a noun phrase with a possessive adjective. Simply put, this means you can change “the whiskers of the cat” to “the cat’s whiskers.”

Here’s an example:

Note: Exactly when you can use a possessive instead of a noun phrase can be more of an art than a science. The Chicago Manual of Style states that if the possessor is of higher status than the thing being possessed, then an apostrophe would be used. So it would be “the boy’s pen,” rather than “the pen of the boy.” 

Another time when you might use “the x of the y” construction is when both items are inanimate (“the handle of the umbrella” vs. “the umbrella’s handle”). 

However, neither offer a one-size-fits-all approach, as you can have constructions like “the organization’s hierarchy is being reviewed.” Use your instincts.

Adjusting noun phrases and possessives would come under Proofed’s editing service, unless their use made the meaning of the sentence unclear or awkward (in which case it would be a part of our proofreading service)

Sometimes, writers use the same (or a similar) modifier to describe each item in a list. This can be done for emphasis, usually in an advertising context (“Discover the ultimate power of our new blender: more speed, more precision, more versatility!”), but generally is unnecessary.

Similarly, writers can use vague or unnecessary adverbs or adjectives. When reading a sentence, consider whether the adverb or adjective adds anything useful.

Writers often add these words to try to emphasize a point, and it might take an outside perspective to evaluate their necessity objectively. While it is important not to change or diminish the writer’s meaning, if you find yourself questioning an adjective or adverb, that can be an indicator that it’s not adding value.

Editing modifiers, adverbs, and adjectives would come under Proofed’s editing service, unless their use made the meaning of the sentence unclear or awkward (in which case it would be a part of our proofreading service).

Combining sentences that contain related information is a good way to encourage concision. The art lies in doing so without removing any necessary information or making the sentence overly long or complicated. 

There is no right or wrong length for a sentence. Too many short sentences can seem choppy, while overly long sentences are often difficult to follow. An engaging piece of writing tends to add variety by using sentences of different lengths. This variation in sentence length should enhance the meaning and flow. It should also aid clarity while promoting concision.

Combining sentences is generally an editorial (rather than a proofreading) activity. However, Proofed’s proofreading service would cover blending short, staccato sentences so that the text flows more smoothly.

While concision is generally a good thing, editing for concision should not notably change a text’s meaning. 

Make sure that revised text contains everything that the original was trying to convey without removing required information, changing the meaning of the text, or altering its emphasis. If you are unsure of the intended meaning, leave a comment.

Let’s look at an example where the edit has changed the writer’s intended meaning.

The meaning behind the “costly target” statement should be questioned in a comment.